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Poems

Afterwards


She feels like a monster

She says

Back and forth

 

While you break your liver even more

Taking antihistamines to cure self-consciousness

 

11 replies on “Afterwards”

Yes I prefer off-rhythms and slant rhymes, I’m so pleased that you pointed this out. Lots of the stuff I love to write sounds better when read out loud, just as the stuff I love to read most is best read out loud. I also am glad that you saw the use of a stanza break to show different perspectives and a drastic change. And I am glad the poem feels like throwing up to you, that is wonderful, seriously. Thanks for the heartfelt, in-depth reply, as always.

Not that simple. Self-esteem is bullshit, I’m talking about more complex psychological problems here. And antihistamines aren’t prescription meds, it’s for allergies.

Love the rhythm. The timing where “more” rhymes with “forth,” in part because of the former line’s terseness followed by the latter’s extension of syllables, gives me the sensation of falling. It’s like when you start to vomit and stop abruptly, covering your mouth, and then surrender to a stream of it.

“Antihistamines” falls into the rhythm punctually like dominoes.

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